Tuesday, October 9

That Vibe

Ok, I don't know what's going on with me. Then again, I think I do. It's not an ongoing thing - it just happens everytime he calls.

I use to really be into him and I thought we was vibing me too. There seemed to be every indication that we could ....now I can't even say it. Then, we had the 'talk'. You know the one where they list all your good qualities as if it were going to really soften the blow of the inevitable let down. The 'I don't see us together' is a killer.

Now he's seeing someone and he's really happy. Deep down somewhere I'm happy for him too. I don't dwell on what happened - we remained friends after that little chat. I don't spend my days thinking of him, matter-of-fact I'm seeing someone myself. So tell me, why do I feel like such crap after I receive a text or a phone call from him? It's not just a phone call; I can handle talking to him. It's when he talks about how right she is for him that it stings. Now given all that has transpired I gather to say that he was right, we weren't suited for one another - not in that way. But still I have the ache and I wonder if it's not jealousy. Over the fact that I listened on late night phone calls to his whining and dramas'; that he was never this outgoing with me. You can put so much time into a man that you began to feel like you own them - you created that. And then all your hard work goes to some other woman.

Perhaps it’s just jealousy over the fact that I couldn’t be that special to someone who I thought was special - he is, in fact. Letting go is harder than I thought, something always lingers there. Who knows why we crave things that we know we don't really want.... I just want to be done with it already.