Saturday, August 29

Thursday, August 27

He Said, She Said


How do you perceive the behavior of the opposite sex when it comes to dating & relationships?

He Said:

"The point of dating and relationships is to find a person with whom you have that extraordinary connection. The problem I find is, once you find them, what do you do from there?

Much like two experienced fencers facing each other for the first time, dating has become a series of feints and fakes. Truth doesn’t really enter into relationships until months later, and it’s only then that we find out that our beloved is a rabbit-boiling-in-a-pot-lunatic. The biggest problem with relationships is that we’re simply not honest with each other.

For men, when we first meet a woman, its’ a great deal like a nearsighted catcher trying to read the pitcher’s signals. We won’t get a lot to go on form her, not for a while. Whatever we do will be discussed with her omnipresent friend at length, at a later date in the worst light possible, so the heat is on. We say something at dinner. She looks at her friend, and purses her lips. This will cost us dearly, we realize with horror, and so we spend the entire night reading their silent signals, wondering if the pitcher will throw the curve ball or the high heat. She is not going to voice her displeasure here, but, by God, it will be voiced. By women bringing lots of disagreeable friends with them, they put men through a gauntlet of criticism. The relationship is no longer you and her, it’s you and her and her good friends that thinks you’re head is too big and her good friend who thinks your gear is fake and her friend who can’t stand you, because you remind her of her ex.

Let’s say we find someone, and we’re immediately interested. If we’re too eager and we let the wrong woman know, they use us until we’re completely spent, like a sea bass with a hook in it’s mouth. So, we learn to suppress our feelings for some time until we realize what sort of person this is, and can we trust her with our feelings? That leads us to restraining ourselves constantly, much like the Victorian era gentleman…

“Pass the butter, dear” Evan said. I love you, he thought. Your eyes twinkling like twin stars, you skin like sandy Sao Paulo beaches…

“Lovely day isn’t it,” he said instead.

“Quite.” She said.


For men, we’re not being real at all. We date people we really don’t want to be with because we’re bored and there’s nothing better to do that night. Or we do what she wants for an evening, because we don’t feel like arguing about it, not because we particularly like her. Relationships fall through, things happen, so like an experienced traveler, we always have a contingency plan if things go wrong, and her name is Dana or Michelle. We go through pains to perpetuate an image, because more and more women simply care about male stereotype instead of the actual individual. Some women care less about who you are then if you have Timberland's and a throwback jersey. I know a great deal of friends with unpaid bills, but a closet full of designer clothes, because in the end, it’s your image that’s important.

In the end, men and women spend the majority of their time trying to convince the opposite sex that they are what they are really not, and when they hook up based on that illusion, no good can come of that.

In view of that, I’m making the only resolution that counts – a personal one. I will be honest. I will stop playing games. If you ask me, you will know what our relationship is, I won’t feed you crap. If I’m feeling you, I’m man enough to tell you and if you can’t handle it, I probably shouldn’t be with you anyway, because you’ll keep playing the same game that I won’t play anymore. I won’t string along multiple women at the same time, insisting that we’re just friends, but doing the things with them that are more than friendly. I will be honest.”


She Said:

Can I respond back to him?

Ok, you’re right, you are going to discussed at length with our friends. Doing it to find fault with your every move, contrary to popular opinion, isn’t the optimum goal. Believe it or not, some women want to find things to love about you. I think that you’ve been burned too often, in fact, often enough to have altered your perception.

I say this because you mentioned that “by women bringing lots of disagreeable friends with them, they put men through a gauntlet of criticism”. You didn’t say “if women bring,” or “when women”, but “by women” – as if this is the only thing we do, “bring disagreeable friends”. That’s just not so, and it makes me wonder who you’ve been out with lately. In all fairness let me say…no, a woman’s friend shouldn’t dog you unnecessarily, that’s just uncalled for. But understand that ladies protect one another, and therefore, do appear in groups sometimes. It’s the way it’s always been done and will continue until the girl you have the extraordinary connection with the “disagreeable” friends decides that she wants you no matter what her girlfriends say.

But if you’re out with someone whose friends are looking at you head, cracking at your gear and comparing them to their former flame …you aint’ with the right girls.

This exposed nerve of yours is pulsing and while not unfounded, it is surely not a widespread problem.

BTW, if you’re not feeling her and your man enough to tell her and she can’t handle it be man enough to accept it without attacking her integrity or her friends by assuming it’s a game they’re running on you. She may have been damaged from a previous relationship, or maybe she just wasn’t feeling you – and that’s not playing a game, that’s just being real…isn’t that honest enough?

Your resolution is an admiral one. Your take on the need we sometimes have to be someone other than ourselves in relationships is sadly true. I just ask that you don’t allow your past experiences to color your new ones.

Tuesday, August 25

Dear European Hottie at MOMA,

Can it really be considered stalking if I was overcome in the museum by the beauty of your movable art? Yes, that's what I'm referring to you as. Yes, you...the tall blonde, black t'd, washed out red jean, Converse wearing, cute tiny goatee sporting hottie that I 'bumped into' continually throughout MOMA. You were just an annoying blur in my camera when you walked in the compass in hand exhibit...



but I couldn't help but watch the intensity of your art gaze.


Or the way you pondered model like over at the cutouts of Betty Ford news articles by that obscure crap artist.
Oh, but when you bent over to take pictures of it with your cell phone ....drool. I wanted to know you, I wanted to be so familiar that I could walk over and hug you from behind and gently tug on your ear with my teeth and ask if you what you could possibly see in that piece.


You probably don't remember but we smiled at one another two floors later, I think we both recognized that we, in fact had been crossing paths the entire afternoon. I forgive you for walking past the 'Wyeth'
without so much as a second glance in support of taking pics of the ancient aircraft because the view from behind was lovely...


I hope you're a regular, if I ever see you again I'm going to jump you - or maybe something less crazy like asking you "Do you come here often?" "Who are your favorite artists?" Perhaps even ask you out for coffee - unless I see you go into the architecture wing...in that case I'll wait for you outside in some other unassuming stalker like fashion.

Saturday, August 22

Sexy Saturday Video

I’m a sucker for Funky House music, come Thursday I scroll through my Ipod looking for my Dance List and this is the first song that plays.

I take a warm shower, jump into a white tee and panties and strut up and down the hallway, pausing every so often to really get into the groove with the banister (wooden guy) remembering that year when this was the top song in the clubs - come Friday night it would play and how things got wild making you feel alive and happy. Video’s not so bad either.

Thursday, August 20

Complicated Relationship Flicks

I've decided to get a head start on the weekend - I'm anxious to de stress, settle in and watch a few of my favorite movies. They're all about complicated relationships; somehow it's more entertaining to watch them unfold on tv and not in my fricking life. So I'm going to cocoon myself in for awhile along with chocolate, ice cream, and pie. But not before I leave you with my must-sees - they make me laugh, cry, sigh (no, it's not the most proud of female thing I do), curse and not surprisingly a few of them turn me on.


Love Me If You Dare



Sex and Lucia



When Harry Met Sally



Vicky Christina Barcelona

Tuesday, August 18

The Code of Honor

"Oh, you're killing me SadGirl. You with your emails about your cheating best friend. That subject is touchy and I hate to get preachy. But I did promise you I would discuss it, So here you are - stop harassing me - you've won, I'm fessing up to how I feel about it. "

The Code of Honor is protocol, a set of rules that is understood between friends when it comes to love and relationships; boundaries not crossed in order to preserve the friendship. It in a whole is too expansive to cover all at once, but for now let’s start with the basics:

Thou shall not covet thy friend’s current or past lovers.

It’s one simple commandment yet it’s become a fad to ignore it and be selfish on a whim for ones own desires and wants. This behavior is quite contagious, it seems. What happened to not getting “too close” and respecting the friendship? What is so hard to understand about this commandment? Just because it wasn’t engraved on tablets and carried down the mountain by Moses doesn’t mean it isn’t a sin. From the onset of any friendship, this is a HUGE no-no. You risk damaging a relationship with the one person who probably means the most to you. Once that happens, you might as well hold onto any apologies because they’re always a day late and a dollar short.

Still trying to comprehend all this? Have I confused you with the thou and thy? For the record, that means YOU. Now, there are two parts of that commandment I want to dissect. Count it off aloud: One, two. Now lift up your hand and use your fingers – uno, dos.

The first principle covers coveting a friend’s current lover.

There’s not much to say about this other than: If anyone who thinks it ok to break this one, you are a scumbag. Even if you’re just “thinking” about doing it, in theory, you’ve already put it into practice. In essence it is the equivalent to walking up to your friend, slapping them in the face, prying their mouth open, taking out their piece of candy, putting it in your mouth and running away. Sounds like an exaggeration you say? But tell me, how can one describe stealing from a heart?

Not entirely without shame, is the person who got involved with the stealer. They too share the blame, on the basis that they should have known better than to jump from one friend to another. It’s no different than dating someone and then moving on to his brother or sister. Coveting the current lover is a bold statement to your friend that your happiness means more than theirs.

Secondly, there’s coveting a friend’s past lover. In case anyone claims confusion as to the term and or definition of “past lover”, it does not mean someone they had a one-night stand with. Nor does the past have a time limit; the past is all involving, all including. Unfortunately, people waste time trying desperately to use this as an excuse. So, if you were thinking of using it, let me just say, it’s lame, unbelievable, and will more than likely get you some well-deserved physical therapy sessions. But if you still feign mental retardation as your choice, this select group is usually referred to as ‘the ex’.

Surely somewhere, some naive person is reading this justifying his actions. “You are so wrong PC girl,” I can hear them saying, “My friend wouldn’t mind; they would want me too be happy, no matter who it was.” To which I reply, “Your crap runneth over. "

They could have broken up five years ago; she could have cheated on him, he could have left her for someone else. Hell, he could have tried to run her over with his car and she had a restraining order put out on him. But you’d better not touch them! Friends only remember that person as their own. Their lips kissed, they shared the inside joke, the favorite song, etc… In their mind, that person holds a place reserved for past loves and you cannot interfere with that. It’s the tried and true time travel mantra: matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time.

No matter how big my soapbox gets, people will constantly try to make what’s wrong right again. “I know they used to be involved with my friend, but I’m in love. I deserve some happiness too.” I’m sure you do, just not there. Nice try, but we ain’t buying it. But perhaps I can interest you in some crap that doesn’t stink.

And for you select group of people that will try to do it on the sneak tip: It may work for a while, but when it blows up, duck. For anyone I know, trying this, doing this, wondering about breaking the “Code”, the muffled voice you hear on your machine saying, "I know you know I know you know I know." - That’s me.

Saturday, August 15

Sexy Saturday Video

Let me just say up front that if you don't enjoy this week's SSV then,
I'm sorry you don't get it...really I am.
I just don't what else to tell you.
I shouldn't have to convince you of its hotness.

The heat, the sticky sweat over that golden skin, the white sheets, the 'yeah I'm in your personal space but I'm gonna sing in my sexy ass voice right next to your ear cause I know that turns you on', the tongue dancing (3:40) that makes me wanna stick cold Popsicles down my panties.

Who the hell else emotes such strong sexuality while stroking a guitar? Lord, the man has me cussing. I'm gonna just shut up and finishing watching the video - you watch too.

Wednesday, August 12

Playing Doctor With The Boys

I have recently discovered that several of my male friends think I look like a "bobblehead" – but only when I loose a certain amount of weight, and apparently only from certain angles. The choice vantage point in which to view all this seems to be from above. After laughing, I considered what was said…"whoa", I replied. "What are you saying? You think I got a big head?" In response, I was informed that it’s not my head that I should be concerned about-it’s my body. You’ve read it right here folks! My low-grade body is making my head look bad.

One particular male friend squawked about my eating habits…"you’re starving yourself", he says. He proceeds to remind me of certain diets I participated in the past years. I’m asked to refer back to photographs from a trip we took together in 2001. OK, I’ll be the first to admit it. I looked particularly small in those photographs. But in my defense, I’ve got a healthy bustline and we all know that when things get bigger, other things seem smaller – but no one complained about that feature.

Ok. I’m not hurt by these comments. On the contrary, I laughed. I laugh at the ‘above’ or ‘overhead angles’ that they’ve mentioned. Now when I question how one would achieve looking at someone from those angles, I am told that it’s just because they are so much taller than my 5’2 and a half. Yet I think it’s the search for a better cleavage angle that has brought on the "bobblehead" theory. But no, not them, nah, not my guy friends…they weren’t trying to get a mental booby snapshot; merely trying to help me achieve the perfect body, so that I’ll be pleased…seriously, this is what they actually said.

Quite soon afterwards, earlier remarks about my head were followed up with "It’s not that you’re out of shape, or too skinny - it’s that we think (there’s the comments of the peanut gallery again) that you should focus on toning up. Let it all be in a tight little package. We think you should tone up your booty so that it matches your bustline." Which confuses me, because I was under the belief that I indeed did have a great booty - so the "no booty" remark was argued. I guess I sort of won that argument – at least, I think I did. He agreed that maybe he was wrong and generously offered to ‘take a closer’ look the next time I wear pants. He even had a suggestion "perhaps you should wear tighter jeans". Ok, I admit…it’s not a big booty, which is to imply that you can’t let’s say… sit a drink on it. But it’s firm, though obviously not firm enough or plump enough for my critic’s.

Concurrently running on the same marquee are "Why don’t we do something new with your hair", and, "Are you shaping up those legs?"

But again, I draw your attention to this sorted discussion of my anatomy – I’m not suggesting an obsession with me; I am however pointing to the fact that certain men enjoy playing at Operation. I suggest maybe they lean towards a slight obsession to have eye candy in front of them at all times, no matter if you are the girlfriend or best friend. I think they believe it to be well concealed as ‘healthy concern’, a wanting for you to be at your best. Yet I think they think ahead, planning accordingly for such occasions as:

Dining out – no questions asked, just a general public assuming that he is "with" the girl, not merely friends with the girl. I would also gather to say that public outings with a good-looking gal pals enhances their attractiveness to other woman within the radius– women who always seem drawn to the guy in the room who is already attached. Women who’ll want him two-fold if his companion looks good – let us not forget the severe misplaced jealously we women tend to carry if she is more attractive than we are.

I’ve seen the nods my guy friends get from other guys when they’re accompanied by a cute girl friend. I can only assume that the mutual nods are a form of guy points added to a membership card. I figure it must translate into some sort of machismo currency. So how many punches do you need on your card before you can get that free sandwich?

But I have been reminded that sarcasm isn't necessary because I have merely been told that this is all for the betterment of me. For the love and concern of a friend. Again, Yes! I know you find that laughable, but really, that’s what they said. But get this - I’m gonna do it. I’m going to spend extra time in the gym and tone up – for me.

I’m also going to return that concern and loving-kindness they’ve been showing me. I’m going to turn their figurative Post-its into literal ones. Ones that I can stick onto any body part of theirs that I believe could use a little shaping up. So that the next time any cute girls see us out together I can smile at them knowingly – let those oh so naughty little thoughts transfer from me to her. So that she and I may go and find a good high place to perch in the hopes that we too may enjoy a "bobblehead" view.

Getting It On With Jerrod

So many guys I haven't gotten around to playing with yet - Jerrod is one of them.

Oh, we flirt back and forth but there's been no pay-off until now.

It's Jerrod 100th post over at his insane blog 'The Yellow Factor'.
For the occasion he decided to award his favorite blogs with The Yellow Snowball...

He also said some lovely things about the Politics:

"Politics Of Love - Her blog is like the hang out you want to be seen at and the drink you want in your hand."

So while I decide what to gift him with ;) you should go over and check out the blog if you haven't already.

Monday, August 10

The Angst, The Idols, The Hughes

I would have never made it through high school and all the frustrating teen angst and lusting without John Hughes. God I loved these movies - No one wrote about teenage relationships better than Hughes. He might have been older but he remembered what the teenage years were like and wrote it out in perfection.

RIP John 1950-2009

Saturday, August 8

Sexy Saturday Video

Oh, stop whining - I know you've had Shakira already (you wish) on the SSV.

But in this second helping, Shakira's not only gone all European disco on us,
but she's included a cage, half an outfit, and a nude bodysuit that gives the
illusion of...well you know.

I trust you'll be chanting "I want to go there..." soon enough.

Damn you, Shakira and your seductive flexing and bar grabbing.


Thursday, August 6

Politics Of Love in Paris Video Blog- French Girls Vs. American Girls

video

It starts getting really windy around 0:35 so here’s your translation…

Ted: there was this one girl I noticed on the Metro the entire way and I couldn’t stop looking at her…the girls here are unbelievable.

PC: Any difference between the French Girls and the American Girls?

Ted: I think French Girls…they don’t try to show off. I think that’s the biggest difference these girls are absolutely fantastic!

PC: they have a lot of confidence, don’t they?

Ted: Oh yeah…

Alex: They have this kind of attitude…they’re so laid back – real easy going, ya know? And…ah, it’s different. Like in the States people are really guarded, cold and conservative. Girls…people are a lot warmer here.

PC: Wow, not a lot of good things being said about American girls at all.

Ted: No, we don’t like American women

Alex: Where are you going from here?

PC: We’re going to go try and find some guys that actually like American girls

Alex: Sorry to disappoint.

Tuesday, August 4

Sex YOU Up



My Week is not complete unless I read Dan Savages's column. Now those unfamiliar with his wonderfully jacked up Sex Column 'Savage Love' should definitely check it out. There's nothing like reading about weird fetishes or being amazed that he has to explain to someone why they shouldn't use someone else's butt plug. Really? Someone really had to be told that?

The only thing about reading the column is that it's always placed between ads such as these...



You simply can not advertise any bigger that you are indeed reading something smutty and perverted. And let's face it, I am. Yet does that shame me into refraining from reading this until I get home? Nope. I've been inking up my hands in city newspaper call girl sections for years to read good old 'Savage Love'. Dan even has a weekly podcast so now I download him directly onto the pod and rock out to 'Savage Love' during my train ride to work. But there's still something about grabbing the paper and anxiously flipping to the back to look for the column that I love.

My brain now filled with all sorts of perversion, feels a bit smarter, better informed I dare say. So today instead of spreading my skewed version of advice I'm promoting someone else's. I'm sexing you up with Savage. Check it out - thank me later.

http://www.villagevoice.com/advice/view/SavageLove/2009-07-30
http://podcasts.thestranger.com/savagelove/

Saturday, August 1

Sexy Saturday Video

All I need say is the Former Prime Minister, Tony Blair recounted in an interview how he nearly fell off his treadmill when this video came on. And we all know the British are smuttier than they want to let on...but come on, who are they kidding we've all seen 'those' BBC shows. So if it knocked his socks off, I think it's good enough for us.