The Code of Honor

"Oh, you're killing me SadGirl. You with your emails about your cheating best friend. That subject is touchy and I hate to get preachy. But I did promise you I would discuss it, So here you are - stop harassing me - you've won, I'm fessing up to how I feel about it. "

The Code of Honor is protocol, a set of rules that is understood between friends when it comes to love and relationships; boundaries not crossed in order to preserve the friendship. It in a whole is too expansive to cover all at once, but for now let’s start with the basics:

Thou shall not covet thy friend’s current or past lovers.

It’s one simple commandment yet it’s become a fad to ignore it and be selfish on a whim for ones own desires and wants. This behavior is quite contagious, it seems. What happened to not getting “too close” and respecting the friendship? What is so hard to understand about this commandment? Just because it wasn’t engraved on tablets and carried down the mountain by Moses doesn’t mean it isn’t a sin. From the onset of any friendship, this is a HUGE no-no. You risk damaging a relationship with the one person who probably means the most to you. Once that happens, you might as well hold onto any apologies because they’re always a day late and a dollar short.

Still trying to comprehend all this? Have I confused you with the thou and thy? For the record, that means YOU. Now, there are two parts of that commandment I want to dissect. Count it off aloud: One, two. Now lift up your hand and use your fingers – uno, dos.

The first principle covers coveting a friend’s current lover.

There’s not much to say about this other than: If anyone who thinks it ok to break this one, you are a scumbag. Even if you’re just “thinking” about doing it, in theory, you’ve already put it into practice. In essence it is the equivalent to walking up to your friend, slapping them in the face, prying their mouth open, taking out their piece of candy, putting it in your mouth and running away. Sounds like an exaggeration you say? But tell me, how can one describe stealing from a heart?

Not entirely without shame, is the person who got involved with the stealer. They too share the blame, on the basis that they should have known better than to jump from one friend to another. It’s no different than dating someone and then moving on to his brother or sister. Coveting the current lover is a bold statement to your friend that your happiness means more than theirs.

Secondly, there’s coveting a friend’s past lover. In case anyone claims confusion as to the term and or definition of “past lover”, it does not mean someone they had a one-night stand with. Nor does the past have a time limit; the past is all involving, all including. Unfortunately, people waste time trying desperately to use this as an excuse. So, if you were thinking of using it, let me just say, it’s lame, unbelievable, and will more than likely get you some well-deserved physical therapy sessions. But if you still feign mental retardation as your choice, this select group is usually referred to as ‘the ex’.

Surely somewhere, some naive person is reading this justifying his actions. “You are so wrong PC girl,” I can hear them saying, “My friend wouldn’t mind; they would want me too be happy, no matter who it was.” To which I reply, “Your crap runneth over. "

They could have broken up five years ago; she could have cheated on him, he could have left her for someone else. Hell, he could have tried to run her over with his car and she had a restraining order put out on him. But you’d better not touch them! Friends only remember that person as their own. Their lips kissed, they shared the inside joke, the favorite song, etc… In their mind, that person holds a place reserved for past loves and you cannot interfere with that. It’s the tried and true time travel mantra: matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time.

No matter how big my soapbox gets, people will constantly try to make what’s wrong right again. “I know they used to be involved with my friend, but I’m in love. I deserve some happiness too.” I’m sure you do, just not there. Nice try, but we ain’t buying it. But perhaps I can interest you in some crap that doesn’t stink.

And for you select group of people that will try to do it on the sneak tip: It may work for a while, but when it blows up, duck. For anyone I know, trying this, doing this, wondering about breaking the “Code”, the muffled voice you hear on your machine saying, "I know you know I know you know I know." - That’s me.