Playing Doctor With The Boys

I have recently discovered that several of my male friends think I look like a "bobblehead" – but only when I loose a certain amount of weight, and apparently only from certain angles. The choice vantage point in which to view all this seems to be from above. After laughing, I considered what was said…"whoa", I replied. "What are you saying? You think I got a big head?" In response, I was informed that it’s not my head that I should be concerned about-it’s my body. You’ve read it right here folks! My low-grade body is making my head look bad.

One particular male friend squawked about my eating habits…"you’re starving yourself", he says. He proceeds to remind me of certain diets I participated in the past years. I’m asked to refer back to photographs from a trip we took together in 2001. OK, I’ll be the first to admit it. I looked particularly small in those photographs. But in my defense, I’ve got a healthy bustline and we all know that when things get bigger, other things seem smaller – but no one complained about that feature.

Ok. I’m not hurt by these comments. On the contrary, I laughed. I laugh at the ‘above’ or ‘overhead angles’ that they’ve mentioned. Now when I question how one would achieve looking at someone from those angles, I am told that it’s just because they are so much taller than my 5’2 and a half. Yet I think it’s the search for a better cleavage angle that has brought on the "bobblehead" theory. But no, not them, nah, not my guy friends…they weren’t trying to get a mental booby snapshot; merely trying to help me achieve the perfect body, so that I’ll be pleased…seriously, this is what they actually said.

Quite soon afterwards, earlier remarks about my head were followed up with "It’s not that you’re out of shape, or too skinny - it’s that we think (there’s the comments of the peanut gallery again) that you should focus on toning up. Let it all be in a tight little package. We think you should tone up your booty so that it matches your bustline." Which confuses me, because I was under the belief that I indeed did have a great booty - so the "no booty" remark was argued. I guess I sort of won that argument – at least, I think I did. He agreed that maybe he was wrong and generously offered to ‘take a closer’ look the next time I wear pants. He even had a suggestion "perhaps you should wear tighter jeans". Ok, I admit…it’s not a big booty, which is to imply that you can’t let’s say… sit a drink on it. But it’s firm, though obviously not firm enough or plump enough for my critic’s.

Concurrently running on the same marquee are "Why don’t we do something new with your hair", and, "Are you shaping up those legs?"

But again, I draw your attention to this sorted discussion of my anatomy – I’m not suggesting an obsession with me; I am however pointing to the fact that certain men enjoy playing at Operation. I suggest maybe they lean towards a slight obsession to have eye candy in front of them at all times, no matter if you are the girlfriend or best friend. I think they believe it to be well concealed as ‘healthy concern’, a wanting for you to be at your best. Yet I think they think ahead, planning accordingly for such occasions as:

Dining out – no questions asked, just a general public assuming that he is "with" the girl, not merely friends with the girl. I would also gather to say that public outings with a good-looking gal pals enhances their attractiveness to other woman within the radius– women who always seem drawn to the guy in the room who is already attached. Women who’ll want him two-fold if his companion looks good – let us not forget the severe misplaced jealously we women tend to carry if she is more attractive than we are.

I’ve seen the nods my guy friends get from other guys when they’re accompanied by a cute girl friend. I can only assume that the mutual nods are a form of guy points added to a membership card. I figure it must translate into some sort of machismo currency. So how many punches do you need on your card before you can get that free sandwich?

But I have been reminded that sarcasm isn't necessary because I have merely been told that this is all for the betterment of me. For the love and concern of a friend. Again, Yes! I know you find that laughable, but really, that’s what they said. But get this - I’m gonna do it. I’m going to spend extra time in the gym and tone up – for me.

I’m also going to return that concern and loving-kindness they’ve been showing me. I’m going to turn their figurative Post-its into literal ones. Ones that I can stick onto any body part of theirs that I believe could use a little shaping up. So that the next time any cute girls see us out together I can smile at them knowingly – let those oh so naughty little thoughts transfer from me to her. So that she and I may go and find a good high place to perch in the hopes that we too may enjoy a "bobblehead" view.