I Want You For Your Mind, and Other Things That Are Hard To Believe

I am stimulated by engaging conversation and my desperate want of it often leads me into this trouble area with men. Men that I enjoy being mentally stimulated by but don’t have romantic notions of. And so I go out on dates that I don’t perceive as dates. I am naïve on that front because I believe that they are seeking the same from me – mental stimulation and not a physical manifestation of the bonding that just occurred between us.

After a few meet ups, I hear the clumsily hidden expectation of ‘more’ in their conversation. My chest heaved and I realize that we will not be able to have this, this perfect thing much longer. And I am reminded of what most of my guy friends tell me “it’s impossible for a man and a woman to have a platonic relationship”. And I suppose I can understand that, just as much as I understand that in those moments I am playing with fire but I have no hidden agenda here; this is not some ploy to seduce him with my intelligence – which even sounds preposterous in this age of the male obsession with stacked chicks and low IQ’s. My choices are not made within age limits, height requirements or body types. I carry no preconceived notions as to what constitutes a good conversationalist.

Now, by no means am I saying that good conversation is something women are in possession of and not men. I’m just categorically saying that I don’t want to get stuck in another restaurant sitting across from a guy that quotes sport stats all night, my mind secretly clicking into survival mode and translating everything he says in the voice of Charlie Brown’s teacher.

Engaging conversation is rare commodity…tell me, how can I have it with you without you having me?

I Want You For Your Mind, and Other Things That Are Hard To Believe

I am stimulated by engaging conversation and my desperate want of it often leads me into this trouble area with men. Men that I enjoy being mentally stimulated by but don’t have romantic notions of. And so I go out on dates that I don’t perceive as dates. I am naïve on that front because I believe that they are seeking the same from me – mental stimulation and not a physical manifestation of the bonding that just occurred between us.

After a few meet ups, I hear the clumsily hidden expectation of ‘more’ in their conversation. My chest heaved and I realize that we will not be able to have this, this perfect thing much longer. And I am reminded of what most of my guy friends tell me “it’s impossible for a man and a woman to have a platonic relationship”. And I suppose I can understand that, just as much as I understand that in those moments I am playing with fire but I have no hidden agenda here; this is not some ploy to seduce him with my intelligence – which even sounds preposterous in this age of the male obsession with stacked chicks and low IQ’s. My choices are not made within age limits, height requirements or body types. I carry no preconceived notions as to what constitutes a good conversationalist.

Now, by no means am I saying that good conversation is something women are in possession of and not men. I’m just categorically saying that I don’t want to get stuck in another restaurant sitting across from a guy that quotes sport stats all night, my mind secretly clicking into survival mode and translating everything he says in the voice of Charlie Brown’s teacher.

Engaging conversation is rare commodity…tell me, how can I have it with you without you having me?

It's The Return Of The SEXY SATURDAY VIDEO

HMMM...LYKKE LI touching herself as she deadpans her face toward the camera, caresses her crotch and with a disarming flatness in her voice, Li sings, "I'm your prostitute, you're gonna get some". MY, oh MY.

I'M OK, YOU'RE OK

I haven’t had time to do one bad thing since I’ve been away these many months. Not unless you count climbing into bed with a friend and not giving it up a sin. OK, so it’s a cock tease but I don’t think I’m going to hell for it. Or is there a special place reserved for girls who think they want to give it up and then change their minds?

God, it feels good to be back. I mean, I think I’m back, as long as you want to keep hearing my insane thoughts.

So here’s the deal…I’ve been editing an online magazine and it keeps me pretty busy. Things are finally starting to level out to a non-crazed pace. My calendar has stopped smoking, my eyes are starting to roam, my hands are idle and I need to do something or someone. Hitting these keys and crafting these thoughts are a start but momma might just need something stronger. Like a life. But right now I’m OK settling for sex. Actually, I’ll take baby steps trying to get back into the game and wish for an earth shattering kiss – that leads to touching.

Problem is, in the midst of the all the recent hubbub I’ve only been hanging with people in the same industry, which is to say the pool is shallow. What passes for dates these days, are really just meetings held in restaurants, this way I can work and eat at the same time. Flirting is carried on with the same people and is generally understood to be the glazed gleam and wink of a second glass of champagne courage. I did get propositioned by a pretty decent looking gal sometime ago, but by the time I realized I was being hit on she’d already left the room with the guy sitting beside me. I don’t even have a time of reference for the “some time ago”. So you see, I’ve been a social retard for the better part of a year. And as it winds down I find myself in that awful dilemma of wanting to screw one of my ‘see you all the time’ friends. Oh, that sounds awful…how about, “wanting to make love” –nope; too serious. “Wanting to sleep with” – too gentle. I’m aiming for primal.

I have been having twisty pretzel dreams about him. Knock all the stuff off the kitchen table dreams about him. What I’m trying to do is put the hormones aside for a sec to see if there’s any depth in this situation. I’m not capable of using a good friend for a one nighter. And I’m pretty sure a Walk of Shame will have a negative effect on our friendship. So, is it just lust or have I been in a unique position of gaining something positive from all this one-on-one time and its him per say, and not his hot bod that’s got me all worked up?

As I ponder this with my third jumbo cup of coffee for the day – I wanna say hey, hello, how you been? Did you miss me? I missed you. See you soon.

The Willing of Stuff

I have long since willed many things to come, the first of which being the publishing of the novel that I have worked on for over five years. The second, a man – a creative, sensitive without being wussy, lanky without being underfed, geeky but with the ability to whip off the glasses and expose his inner Clark Kent, lustful without needing to exhaust himself outside of our shared bed. Lastly; world peace. Well, I had to say that didn’t I or else the other two would just sound superficial and self-serving. And yet none of those things have come to fruition, to which I draw a long sigh and hit the period on the keyboard as if it cements its finality in ever coming true. And then I’m here after so long a period of not writing, I’m here and missing my readers and the comments and the moments I set aside to read your blogs and wishes and dastardly deeds. Somehow it becomes new air and all consuming, and I feel right and fulfilled. I find the patience to wait for all these things to come.

It feels good to be back – how are you?

Sexy Saturday Video

I found myself at the 'Panda Bar' in Philly a few weeks ago and there were these flyers for another gig being passed out that had Grace Jones on the front with Keith Haring. She was semi-naked, the rest of her haven been painted by Keith in huge white geometric shapes. No one of the kiddies at my table knew who the hell they were except for me. Was I the only one who remembered the power and lust of Grace Jones?!

Seems its time to whip out the old time machine and unveil the woman who made men cum when she looked at them and said "Pull up to my bumper baby."