Wednesday, September 16

When Will The Gods Stop Smiting Me With Crushes?

God dang it, I’m so tired of crushing. It should be relegated to the teen years – not allowed to infect you past the age of twenty-five.

I don’t care how lovely it sounded when MJ sang it, I want the butterflies to get the heck out of my stomach and find someone else to sneak up on and give them the dry heave. Because that’s what it really is, we dress it up by saying ‘they gave me butterflies’ when what you really mean is ‘I saw them and suddenly needed to hurl’.

The intensity is too much, I don’t want it to keep making me obsess about what I look like before a date – heck I don’t even want it to make me agree to a date per say. It would be perfection if we were simply hanging out, having a beer, watching the game – no pressure, no assumptions. And then somewhere during a commercial break maybe we’d have a moment. Just a moment, I don’t need fireworks that soon in the game. I just want it to be relaxed instead of the typical ‘we’ve forced this’ situation that ultimately leads to agonizing silences and long awkward glances worthy of being a scene from Scanners. Because if this is us just hanging out I will finally be able to eat a full meal on this ‘date per say’.

Now don’t take that to mean I’m one of those women who doesn’t want a guy to know that I like food – it’s those afore mentioned crushing butterflies occupying the space in my stomach that’s allotted for the food. Now if I could have those few simple requests fulfilled and it’s getting more intense between us, that’s ok, because at least at this point I’ll have had the time to acclimate my crushing to a more sane level of maturity. I can miss you without wondering where you are every second of the day; I can smile at you when I see you instead of whipping out the Kool-Aid grin.

Yet I’m remiss to understand why Mother Nature insists on my needing the stomach bender to tell me he’s The One, or Mr. Right Now? I mean, if that’s supposed to be the barometer of meeting Mr. Right then mine is broke cause it dings off every time Mr. Cutie, Mr. Artistic, or Mr. Great Conversation happens by. That just shouldn't’t be. Not that I’m thinking that something is terribly off; just that the syndrome I believed to be mainly a problem of the male species is now my plight. I just love men; all sorts of men to be exact. I used to roll my eyes every time I’d hear some guy giving an interview and saying “I just love all women.” I’d be thinking, yeah that’s just your way of saying; “I just want to keep bonking chicks without ever committing to just one.” Now I’m begging my body to give me a break – “Body, I’ve been out of high school for a long time now – in case you haven’t noticed – I’m too old for this crap.”

What shall I chalk it up to?

Maybe it’s just my hormones making up for all the lost time. I virtually spent my high school and college years in the library reading about what happens when two people like one another instead of actually putting that knowledge to test. And now I’m paying for it – I now write books about complicated relationship situations, yet it’s quite clear that in real life I can’t excel in writing myself out of them.


Dan. said...

Bet you if you didn't have these butterflies you would miss them? To me there is no better feeling than when you have just met someone new and it feels like you are walking on air, or butterflies, or the irresistible urge to vomit.......

Great blog by the way. You commented on mine so I thought I would have a look, and like it so much I have decided to hang around. I love it when that happens and you find something new to read that interests you.

Keep up the great writing and I look forward to reading more.

Stephanie Faris said...

Butterflies are good. I miss crushes!

I met my ex-husband when I was 20...married him at 23. We were divorced by the time I turned 35. So I found myself single and trying to date in my late 30s because I felt this rush to marry in my 20s. If I had it to do differently, I would have waited until my 30s to settle down because dating in your 30s after being married all those years SUCKS.

Take your time...because once you find that guy, you'll be with him the rest of your life, missing certain things about your former single life!

Politics Chick said...

Hey Stephanie,

Nice to see ya back.

I hear ya, and trust me i'm in no rush. I'd just like a guy to hang with who isn't trying to shove a ring on my finger after the second date.

Now I know that marriage is most women's goal - but I'm enjoying my single life, ya know.

I got plenty of time.

The Peach Tart said...

I do love the exhilarating feeling of new attractions.

otherworldlyone said...

You know what I do when I have a crush on someone? Attempt to make them laugh.

Sometimes it ends badly. Sometimes they make me "one of the guys". And sometimes I get laid.

Actually, most times I get laid.

Crushing has it's good and it's bad.

TheSingleGirl said...

I'm with The Peach Tart...I loove that feeling. Well, loved. Of course. I'm taken. Mmmhmm...


Thanks for the blog visit!

Secretia Teller said...

You know that it means you're NOT too old for this "crap"


Hipstercrite said...

When I look back on the boys I have dated/lusted after in the past, the only GOOD thing about them were the butterflies.

Politics of Love Chick said...

I thought the vibrating panties were enough -you need more? LOL

What a slutty little girl you are. LOL

Ok, but still. lol.

You know what I hate, not being able to control it. So perhaps I have control issues. but then who does'nt.

Hipster - You know you might be on to something with that thought. Maybe I should be a bit more grateful in the future. haha

ladytruth said...

I'm so bloody glad you found me which in return made me find you because I could relate to ALL of which you just wrote about! Especially the part of Mother Nature's Butterfly meter. It's like mine is on a constant fire drill or something, going off the whole time. I'm a follower for life now ;)

Politics of Love Chick said...

LadyT- Finally! someone who agrees with me...please stay as long as you'd like.

Secretia Teller said...

Your reference to the movie "Scanners" makes me want to go rent it. Nice article explaining that there's no need to hurry love.

Thanks You, Secretia

elizabeth said...
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