Tuesday, October 20

Reform Me

I’m a holy girl looking for an unholy man. It’s not that I don’t want them to be religious it’s just that I only seem to be attracted to heathens. In the beginning I want to reform them to make myself feel more spiritual but then after I do, I run into the annoying problem of having a man that’s not remotely interested in helping me fall off the path every once in a while into Dirty Land. And then I’m disappointed – then I’m bored.

See, catching them while they’re already holy could mean a lifetime of missionary and a fear of bondage. Plus, if they have the ‘no sex before marriage’ rule that’ll mean I’m not supposed to see the goods before the’ I do’s’. I have nightmares of being stuck with a man with a less than appealing package – and that fear can only be assuaged by a test drive. So now I’m back to the so-called ‘unholy’ guy because the last thing I want to do is corrupt the mind of a guy I might be sitting next to during the next service. Especially if we don’t work out cause then he’ll go and tell everyone that I’m a heathen – and I don’t want to be the heathen. At least not until I’m having one of those certain moments in which I am not myself but instead the someone I need to be at the moment. ;)

Plus I’m sure there’s a bigger punishment for touching a holy hot guy than there is for touching the hot guy who’s already touching other people. Right? We’re all flawed; I just want the universe to give me one guy that’s perfectly flawed. Therein lies the dilemma, I want the impossible. I want to be in a Merchant Ivory movie – corseted and restrained in emotion and the next I’d prefer to peruse the shelves for the perfect crop while being served absinthe. The more spiritual part of me wonders if that makes me dirty, inquisitive, experimental or merely imperfect. Hmm…I think I’ve just found great adjectives to describe my dream guy.

Ok, this is going to have to be a ‘to be continued’ post – I’m going to ponder this some more as the half raspberry gin, little bit of grapefruit is starting to kick in.


The Peach Tart said...

I can't wait to hear that description.

otherworldlyone said...

I'm with you on this one. If you're really supposed to wait until marriage to have sex...then I suppose I'm going to hell. I've had enough bad experiences with small penises without the commitment. There's no way I'm not checking out the goods first.

As for doing the holy man...

I suppose you could say I corrupted that seminary student. But he seemed very willing so I'm not going to take full responsibility for that one. I wasn't going to be a preacher's wife and I made that clear from the get go. It was a just a little fling.

I hope I see him again one day when he's a full fledged preacher. Maybe I'll give him another go. ;)

Welcome back.

Politics of Love Chick said...

Hi Peachie :)

OWO - I need to hear that story. The corruption of a seminary student; I knew you were trouble. LOL

And thanks..it feels great to be back.

Hipstercrite said...

Damn, that drink sounds good. I wish these sort of posts came out of me when I drink.

JenJen said...

This is an excellent post because it actually sounds like we were having a conversation. I love it.
I'm totally going to hell because I have checked under the wrapper on several (ahem) presents before I met my husband.
But I could not have dealt with 'banana thang' for my WHOLE LIFE could I? No.Way.

ladytruth said...

Men are men. Even the holiest of them had a naughty, dirty thought or two. It's like the feminist in the movie Shirley Valentine said: "All men are potential rapists." Thus: holy or not holy, all the same thing.

Teresha@Marlie and Me said...

I don't think you're asking too much. there is a phrase hip hop guys use when referring to their dream woman: a "lady" in the streets and a "freak" in the bedroom. if they can have both ways, so can we!

p.s. I found you at RR's personal journal blogroll. love your stuff so I gave you a couple of awards on my blog today.