Friday, June 5

Interview With A Guy: Relationship Timing

So this week I had the extreme privilege of paying the PPA for parking violations. One is for an expired meter, and the other for staying thirty minutes over my 2hr space limit.

Apparently this week my timings been off – which got me to thinking about the timing in relationships. Must of us make up and operate by these ridiculous rules about who calls who first and who should make the first move. Personally I just like to follow the vibe, but I wanted to get a guy’s viewpoint on it. So I sat down with a guy to discuss, ‘Timing’. Enjoy.

The Politics Chick: I keep trying to understand the gist of Timing when it comes to relationships, particularly the guy’s take on it.

Dude: People make up these silly rules about when it's the right time to call someone after you find out that you like them. Like, when is it the right time to actually tell them that you like them or when is it the right time to go on a date? My rant is: who made these rules anyway? And why should we obey them?
Is this an ok topic? Is it practical? Or just plain dumb?

The Politics Chick: No, this is good stuff - keep going.

Dude: I mean, sometimes people miss out on things because their friends tell them that they shouldn't call right away or that they should wait for other person to call you first. But does it really matter who makes the first move or when it should be made? Sometimes relationships never get a chance because some people are just too afraid to break these rules and take a chance.

The Politics Chick: You got that right.

Dude: Sometimes people fall into misunderstandings. For example, "Well, (he) or (she) didn't call me, so that means that they don't like me." IDIOT! Hello?! You never really know for sure what's going on until you actually do something instead of speculating on conclusions that aren’t based on solid proof. I personally feel that these "timing rules" are for kids who like to play childish games. In the real world - love, relationships, and romance; these things are for adults. Well, for adults who act like adults.

The Politics Chick: Well said. Do you think that some are inclined to speak up first but sike themselves out before they get the chance?

Dude: Yes, out of fear of rejection. But you either take that chance or face the infamous consequences of "if-I-only-made-that-move-when-I-had-a-chance" bit. I know it's easier said than done.

The Politics Chick: Tell me about it... when the moment comes, it’s less than thrilling and never as well executed as you'd planned in your mind.

Dude: I personally let a lot of wonderful girls slip away for the simple fact that I was more concerned about how and when I should say something until I realized that I was wasting valuable time. Next thing I knew, someone else who wasn't afraid to speak up beat me to her. That's why these "timing rules" sometimes don't work out as planned. But then again, you always have that contrast....

The Politics Chick: So what are your thoughts on girls being the ones to speak up first? Forward or compelling?

Dude: Well that depends on the situation and the guy. I mean, if guy likes a girl and he knows that the girl likes him and she makes the first move...well...GREAT! Less work for him, but there has to be mutual interest that is noticeable on both ends. Some guys get intimidated when a girl comes on too strong. In my case, if a girl makes a first move and I already like her, I go for it. No questions asked. Some guys prefer to have that control over the matter; it just depends who you are.

The Politics Chick: Okay, well, talk about the "control", what’s having control over the matter?

Dude: Well, guys tend to like to be the ones who plan things out, make the decisions on how things are going to work, down to the very detailed pickup line to get the girl. It's a lot work in planning these things and we take pride in doing it. When things turn out just as we planned it . . . AHHH, VICTORY! As men, we've conquered, triumphed, scored or whatever you want to call it. When that happens, we feel more like a man because we did it…we took control of the matter. It's a man thing.

The Politics Chick: Unbelievable! Do you need some raw meat now?

Dude: I know it sounds stupid but that's nature. When a girl does it first it's intimidating because she took the role of planner and executor and all our hard work, all our ideas were for nothing. There's no excitement, no challenge, which sometimes leads to a complete turnoff for the guy-especially if he doesn't like her in the first place. I guess it goes back into ancient times...when men were always considered the hunters. Are you getting all this?

The Politics Chick: Oh I’m getting all this. Let me make sure I understand this; I wouldn’t want to misconstrue anything. In other words...if the girl really was being honest, and the guy liked her, but she came on first and he's put off by it, everyone loses out?

Dude: NO, that’s not always the case. Like I said, it depends on the guy. If the girl comes on too strong then...yeah, maybe the guy wouldn't like it. But if she's sneaky and clever (which girls are experts of), the guy is easy prey.

The Politics Chick: Ok, so now we’re sneaky. I’m sorry I must have been crazed thinking that guys have ulterior motives. Please tell me… what do you consider too strong?

Dude: Definitely too much touching too soon. I forget that I have to speak in general terms since most guys have sex as a primary goal and that would be a turn on. Like I say, everyone is different. I don't like it when I just meet a girl and she's already caressing my hand or putting her head in my lap when we're not at that ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ stage.

The Politics Chick: Ah. Well thanks; you've been tons of help.

Dude: I'm glad to assist. Hey wait, are you going to trash me like you did that other guy in your 'Wanted Ad' blog?

The Politics Chick: Me? No . . . never.

6 comments:

SkylersDad said...

Your dude is spot on. It really depends on the guy, and I would have welcomed a stronger women making the first move back in my dating days.

One of my best experiences was with a much older women back when I was young. She laid out the ground rules for our relationship right out of the gate. it was quite interesting.

LiLu said...

"Dude: Well, guys tend to like to be the ones who plan things out, make the decisions on how things are going to work, down to the very detailed pickup line to get the girl."

Uhhh, I WISH. This was SO not my experience when I was dating... maybe I just couldn't find any with balls, though? Thank goodness I found B...

The Politic's Chick said...

You know what Lilu I think I'm in love with the 50/50. I'm totally attractived to the guy that takes charge but there's something empowering about the guy that lets me make the plans every once in a while. I think both of us jumping in there and taking turns at being the boss is a turn on. It's a fine line for me. I want to be a strong woman without losing that vulnerability.

Skylers Dad: Interesting how? I'm curious.

Lelali Di said...

yea, I think I'm gonna make the first move. In a somewhat sneaky way. Hopefully he'll go for it.

The Politic's Chick said...

Lelali,

I say go for and then tell me all about it ;)

Lelali Di said...

I went for it, http://lelalidi.blogspot.com/2009/06/following-bro-code.html . Now I've just gotta go on the date and not let my butterflies take control.