Friday, July 17

Riding The Bitter Train - A.K.A. "The Other Woman"

You guys are killing me with the requests (which I love - don't stop) but I'm afraid it's going to reveal the more unpleasant side of me. So, 'Wronged Girl' wanted to know if I'd ever been dumped - YES! And if I had been dumped you wanted to know how I got over it. Well, I used to write a little column like this years ago for a small paper in NY and the week I got dumped I made myself feel better by killing him in my column. Here's an excert of what went to press. I'll give you my disclaimer before you start reading; "Breakups make you crazy." Read on:

"Here I am riding the bitter train today going “woo, woo” at every stop. Been traveling on an all day ticket and I plan on riding to the end of the line several times. I know the passengers would appreciate it if I’d stop pulling the cord for every station stop. But I wanna see every place: Slapsville, Poke-ka-eyeout, Rolloveranddie, and ShesnotasprettyasIam. Then maybe, just maybe, after a day of wandering around these places contemplating what reasons he could have possibly had for leaving me for another woman - I might stem the urge I have to hurt someone.

I’ve already had my daily coffee dosage which may not have been too smart seeing as how my hand is a little jittery right now, all I need is a it’s not you its me and I could end the man’s life with this here stirrer. A plastic straw right through the heart and I’ll suck out all his lies and box him with them. Gonna be like Tyson at a bad fight, the sight of my glove coming towards his pretty face is gonna make pee run down his leg like a little girl locked out of the house after drinking a Big Gulp.

I suppose this is a cautionary tale: when you’re traveling alone on the train you have lots of time to imagine and daydream because the miles in between bore you. Only… my daydreams are becoming a little disturbing. I’d worry, but I really think he should. I’ve been trying to keep the voices down to a minimum-really, no more Lou Rawls singing, You're Gonna Miss My Loving. No more clowns telling me to run him over with their little cars. Though, I have dreamed of stampeding elephants making him no more distinctive then the gum squashed into the ground. Then they could really call it the ‘Greatest Show on Earth’."

That's it - I'm not letting you see the rest because it just got insane. I don't even know why my editor let me print it. I really believe there's no right or wrong way to get over being dumped because the emotions need to run their course. Though I did get a really great piece of advice when I was going through it, "Don't waste your time thinking about someone who's not thinking about you."

Since the ladies who post here have always given great advice I open up the floor to them, perhaps they might have same sage advice for you.


otherworldlyone said...

All my getting over a breakup advice is...well, I suppose unhealthy. But, it works for me.

I go out with my friends and drink. A lot. And I might just pick up an ONS.

I'm not really a sit around until you're over him kinda gal. I go-go-go and before I know it, he's nothing to me but another stepping stone.

Lelali Di said...

Wow, I absolutely love what you wrote! You should definitely post the rest!! Please! I write a lot of crazy things when I'm mad and upset, but it doesn't change who I am. It's just an outlet for my crazy emotions. Better to take it out on the paper than the people around you.