All I need to know about MEN I Learned through Rock & Roll

Music is an art form and Art imitates life. There are prevalent artistic gender divisions in the performance roles of music. Of course if you also view the lyrical content of an individual’s songs as works of art, then we can look into Ethno-esthetics, which tells us that culturally we set definitions of what art is. In our creative endeavors we strive to express our ideals, our thoughts. But some are fed up with such music that carries/or lyrics filled with heavy artistic values…blah, blah, blah.

If you were looking for me to go on about art with ideology, you didn’t luck out here.

I will, however, give you a little insight into the types of boys out there roaming the streets; the type of boys I happen to find pretty tasty. Using musical genres, musician appearances, and lyrical content to support my own theoretical causes, I will be completely biased by basing all my information on the guys in Rock & Roll that I worship and adore. Think of it as a guideline for all you newbie’s out there who never thought to go after this genre of men because you just didn’t understand them. I love seeing that, actually-the girl in the record store dressed up in a conservative outfit coupled with the matching strand of pearls lustfully glancing over her stack of CD’s at the guy with the spiky hair, black polished fingernails, and black boots. Ok, I’m starting to wander into my fantasyland… so without further ado: All I need to know about men I learned through Rock & Roll.

Bob Dylan taught me that men could be poets. Even if the guy is scraggly and can’t really sing that great, he’s the kind of poet that creates a niche for himself. He is generally found in chic coffee houses. Never seen without his knapsack which always seems to be slung around his chest. Catching the poet is almost like trying to find the lost city. He and his thoughts are very ephemeral, coasting from reality to dreamland; if you do fall in love with the poet get ready to lose your heart when you become second place for his current cause. Instead of flowers and chocolate, the poet will always instead shower you with words.

The Stones taught me that men could be sluttish. Oh yes, these are the types of boys we all want, but know they aren’t very good for us at all. But the leather pants and the vintage t-shirts just do something to us - don’t they girls? They prove that it’s just not as simple as saying the right words; you have to back them up. Slutty boys have actions to prove that they stay true to their slutty ways. The best thing about this type of boy is the ride they take you on and the fact that they can get away with wearing more jewelry than you do. Relationship wise – I wouldn’t go looking for them to stay true to any contractual notions of love.

Bowie taught me that guys can be ambiguous. Okay, the "hero or homo" thing is very tricky – you never can be quite sure what team he’s batting for without straight out asking. But if he’s anything like David Bowie, than you’re probably thinking, "I’ve never seen makeup on a guy look sexy till now." And if it’s your team, he is sure to be the perfect unisex persuasion of gleeful orgasmic lusting.

Elvis Costello taught me that you men can be offbeat, irreverent, yet still be classic and hip. The Costello’s you will find are usually your close friends…like Molly Ringwald’s ‘Ducky’ in ‘Pretty in Pink’. Oh, they don’t really seem to care about much except for being different and their biggest dream is still to blow the little town’s that they’re stuck in wide open, but the only thing they really want to blow is the lid off of is their secret longing for you. The Costello’s are quick on the wit and even sharper on the sarcasm. But admit it - you love their black-framed intellectual style glasses because you know that someone behind the frames lurks a Superman just dying for you to lose sight of the goodie-goodie Clark Kent image and be all-strong and all-cool, all the time. I’ve discovered that the Costello’s have the charm to finesse; there’s nothing sexier than Costello making women think that they are the flirts and that he means business when it comes down to the romancing. Who could forget Everyday I Write The Book: Don’t tell me you don’t know what love is/When you’re old enough to know better/When you find strange hands in your sweater/When your dreamboat turns out to be a footnote/I’m a man with a mission in two or three editions…"

Lenny Kravitz taught me that a man can defy any definition of appeal and character. This type of man is the oxymoron; the indefinable sort that will constantly continue to puzzle and amaze. You cannot put this man into a box – he is unwilling to be tied down to any preconceived notion. This urban metro-sexual tends to challenge your mind and willpower. While exhibiting rebel characteristics, he still fiercely loyal ‘till the music in your relationship ends. Best part about this guy is that he is a bit of all the above mentioned, and that is the optimum goal.

Whether or not all this crap I have spewed out proves to be of use to you remains to be seen. All I can say is that I put all men into these five categories – or at least I’m only attracted to men with these characteristics. If you don’t agree with any of this…whatever; you can let me know that to, but I can tell you what my response will be…

"Lump it…" I’ll never be your beast of burden.